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Yeah this probably won't be up for too long~But there ya go that's me!

Regular Basis Blogging and Falling Asleep On Doors

So now that R. is back to work I can finally start blogging more...I was thinking about putting my picture up but I'm not sure yet, I have to think about it more..So before R. went back to work we got a hotel room for a couple days, well like a week, that was pretty cool except that we almost got kicked out the first day due to me being retarded on klonopins and methadone...I was smoking a cigarette outside and I went to walk in behind this couple and I fucking fell asleep holding the door open...Oppss..Haha..But the front office called him to come down and get me but by the time he had gotten down I was already going up the stairs, so when I got to our floor where the elevator is and our room (they were right across from each other) I go to head for the room and I hear the elevator doors open behind me so I turned around and oh lucky me there he is..Ugh..He went into one of his usual tirades about how I'm a useless cunt and we can't stay here anymore and well you know all that good stuff...He was lying because like I said that was our first day and we stayed for a week..The only good thing about when he gets like that I usually only remember half of what he says cause I'm so loaded..It's weird though I never feel as fucked up as I apparently am....God what I wouldn't do for a shot of dope I could actually feel, one that makes me melt into the wall. All his bitching and moaning would be worth it if I was as fucked up as he thought I was...I think I might have to get some coke just to shoot up something I can feel..
This is a totally different subject but that's how my mind works I think really fast about 20 different things at once, but I really miss doing things for myself, doing anything at all...I miss going out and doing shit..R has just wore me down soooo much I feel like I'm climbing out of a dark hole..As far as I'm concerned I'm just existing not living...I have to change something quick or I'm going to wake up at 40 and go what happened? I just want to be able to take care of my daughter and me, I'm sick of relying on other people, well R for that matter..I haven't talked to my mom in months, not that she did anything for me when we did talk, and my dad..well he,s a joke...R. has done a lot for me, maybe too much, but I love him and that's why I stay..
Anyway I'll be posting more if anyone still checks in..Oh and we got kicked out, I'll save that story for the next post..Kisses....