Prison? Let's Hope Not

So I'm pretty sure my man is going to jail....Probably not for a little while but I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen. I wouldn't be so worried about it if his record wasn't atrocious, I mean it's not bad it's fucking horrendous, and that's all an understatement. It's been like 4 years since he's been in any trouble but you know cop's and judge's see his record and they get a fucking hard-on cause they know it's just another point against him...The thing that really sucks is it's a felony..He's already a felon but it sucks anyway because it's a bigger charge..
I don't know what the fuck he was thinking..He see's this car parked on the side of the road pulls over wicked fast, runs up to it opens up the side door and takes a bag out of the back..Now I'm in our car like what the fuck is he doing.So he comes running back to the car and drives off like he's being chased by the cops..I'm like what the fuck is going on. He blurts out basically in one sentence that this kid that owes him money from forever ago drives that exact same car and he thought it was his car but it's not the kids car because some dude in galoshes comes running' out of the woods WITH A CAMERA yelling "Hey, stop"..Now I remember when this kid burnt him he used to sell weed and this kid was in jail with him/was his celly so he trusted him to take a look at a bag in his car(cause the kid with the money was in the car) and they took the fuck off. It's really always pissed my man the fuck off because he trusted the kid and thought he was his friend. I'm pretty sure the kid that burnt him was strung out on dope and that's why he did it. Dope sickness will make you do crazy things...So anyways I'm just looking at him like kinda giggling about some guy runnin' out of the woods with galoshes on but kinda not because he had a camera, so I'm like well lets check and see if there's anything in the bag at all.So we open up the bag and there's two huge Nikon lenses in it, and a little empty space where the camera should be..Anyone with a brain knows that these lenses are pretty big jack, well these particular lenses were over a thousand each, I know I checked...So I'm sure you figured out that the dude got pics of my plate # and a couple days later the cops were at my house.They didn't arrest my man then though and the only reason I can think of as to why is because they were from a different city, other than that I have no idea as to why the didn't arrest him, cause he was ready to go and they told him no that they would call us, and they did but they waited a fuckin' month. Why they waited so long I don't know why either. So tomorrow he's going to turn himself in. They said they would let him out on bail, but we'll see if they change their mind.

Sickness and The Cunt

So I'm pretty sure I'm not on the right dose, actually I know I'm not on the right dose....I feel sick every morning that I don't take extra...But whatever I'll deal because I'm totally against going up. I look at it that if I'm on 130mill and I feel shitty in the morning then what am I going to feel like when I come down.I don't plan on being on it forever.I'll never get of it if I keep going up. The lowest I've been on since I've been going to a clinic is 75 the highest 180 but that's when I was pregnant..Yes I had a baby on methadone..Let the crucifying begin..When I got pregnant I was taking street methadone but was off heroin and it wasn't a planned pregnancy but I didn't know that they made you stay on methadone, and at that time I was completely against having a baby on any kind of drug..Having drug addicted baby's is not something I'm into or for for that matter, but I went to a really good program where you got your dose at a hospital everyday so they could monitor you, I mean it was no miracle program you still had to want to be clean (of street drugs) for the program to work, and I had a kick ass counselor that actually gave a shit about the girls she was dealing with and she worked with me for over a year and made me realize that having a baby on methadone was not the end of the world..I would never do it again but like I said it wasn't a planned pregnancy..But I'm glad I went to that program because there were other girls going through the same thing I was so it was nice to have people to talk to about it. I'm actually still friends with one of them, there was another girl there who is probably one of the fakest people I have ever had the dis-pleasure of meeting..Me the girl I'm still friends with and the cunt used to hang out a bit when we were in the program...But I always felt like I was in competition with the cunt and I think she felt the same...I'm not going to go into everything because I don't feel like it right now but I will tell you the end....We used to have a group every week and one of the last things I heard the cunt say was how disgusting she thought needles were and that anyone that used them were disgusting(mind you there were like 3 new girls in there who where all H addict and needle users) She just wanted to look better then everyone else and she did a pretty good job at it, but by the time her daughter was probably 8 months she was already with her mother, and the cunt was shooting up again....She ended up going to jail getting out and became a junkie all over again, and now she's in jail again...Now I could really give a fuck less that she relapsed and lost her daughter, you know shit happens and who am I to crucify someone, but it was the fact that she was such a cunt to me and that she acted like her shit didn't stink..I'm glad she lost her daughter she deserves it but the little girl doesn't and now the little girls father is dead...So now the little girl is still with the cunt's mother..I a;ways wonder about the little girl how she is, and how she will turn out.....Gotta go.

Morning can never come soon enough!

I'm waiting for morning to roll around..like I do every Sunday and Wednesday because I can't control myself and always fuck with my dose...Well not always but for the most part when I get my take homes (I'm on four but I only get two at a time) the same thought always goes through my head Sweet, I'm gonna feel gooood today and usually I do and the next day I feel alright too thanxs to my kpins but the day after always sucks...You know they say that methadone is supposed to take away cravings and for me it did at first when I was getting high off it....So of course I'm not going to have any cravings I was getting high, but when I started not to feel the methadone, well I'm sure you can guess my cravings came back....Don't get me wrong I think methadone is a good thing, for the right person...Like for me and any other needle junkie....Because the needle is a whole other addiction in it's self..So it got me off the needle, but now I just feel like I'm in a rut, but that's not the methadones fault it's my own..I just need to get out more...Me not getting out isn't entirely my fault but I'll save that for another day..And I'll save alot more for another day too, I feel like shit but I wanted to get this thing started and it passed the time a little..My next post will be nice and long, even though no one is reading.......yet.