Sickness and The Cunt

So I'm pretty sure I'm not on the right dose, actually I know I'm not on the right dose....I feel sick every morning that I don't take extra...But whatever I'll deal because I'm totally against going up. I look at it that if I'm on 130mill and I feel shitty in the morning then what am I going to feel like when I come down.I don't plan on being on it forever.I'll never get of it if I keep going up. The lowest I've been on since I've been going to a clinic is 75 the highest 180 but that's when I was pregnant..Yes I had a baby on methadone..Let the crucifying begin..When I got pregnant I was taking street methadone but was off heroin and it wasn't a planned pregnancy but I didn't know that they made you stay on methadone, and at that time I was completely against having a baby on any kind of drug..Having drug addicted baby's is not something I'm into or for for that matter, but I went to a really good program where you got your dose at a hospital everyday so they could monitor you, I mean it was no miracle program you still had to want to be clean (of street drugs) for the program to work, and I had a kick ass counselor that actually gave a shit about the girls she was dealing with and she worked with me for over a year and made me realize that having a baby on methadone was not the end of the world..I would never do it again but like I said it wasn't a planned pregnancy..But I'm glad I went to that program because there were other girls going through the same thing I was so it was nice to have people to talk to about it. I'm actually still friends with one of them, there was another girl there who is probably one of the fakest people I have ever had the dis-pleasure of meeting..Me the girl I'm still friends with and the cunt used to hang out a bit when we were in the program...But I always felt like I was in competition with the cunt and I think she felt the same...I'm not going to go into everything because I don't feel like it right now but I will tell you the end....We used to have a group every week and one of the last things I heard the cunt say was how disgusting she thought needles were and that anyone that used them were disgusting(mind you there were like 3 new girls in there who where all H addict and needle users) She just wanted to look better then everyone else and she did a pretty good job at it, but by the time her daughter was probably 8 months she was already with her mother, and the cunt was shooting up again....She ended up going to jail getting out and became a junkie all over again, and now she's in jail again...Now I could really give a fuck less that she relapsed and lost her daughter, you know shit happens and who am I to crucify someone, but it was the fact that she was such a cunt to me and that she acted like her shit didn't stink..I'm glad she lost her daughter she deserves it but the little girl doesn't and now the little girls father is dead...So now the little girl is still with the cunt's mother..I a;ways wonder about the little girl how she is, and how she will turn out.....Gotta go.